I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
