great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
