getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize