Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
