Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
