Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think my vagina is haunted
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize