I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
