she woke up with a sticky ear
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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