How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
