I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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