Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
