I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
