Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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