Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
