So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
