We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
