Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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