Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
