I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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