Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
