I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
