Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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