sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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