I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
