I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
