He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Randomize