honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
