why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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