You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
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I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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