Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
