I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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