Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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