What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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