If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
