u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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