Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
