She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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