You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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