Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
