Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
