Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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