Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
