You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
