Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
