the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
