24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
