pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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