Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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