Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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