You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
