Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
