Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
