um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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