so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
