the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
