I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
