Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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