Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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