; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
is wine microwaveable?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
