its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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