what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
