You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
