4 words: hood of his car
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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