I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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