Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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