Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
