Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
